It was the 3rd of September

A day I'll always remember.. you know the line from The Temptations song It rings true with me, Today 10 years ago I lost one of the most important people in my life, my father. My dad was sick most of my life, I can just barely remember him being able to walk without help or using his wheelchair. He was the bravest man, so smart and kind to everyone he met. He was not a disabled man , he was a man who just happened to be in a wheelchair. When the doctors told us to call the family in, that he had congestive heart failure and wouldn't be able to stand a transplant, that he was dying I didn't get it.. My dad was strong, he wasn't OLD, he just couldn't DIE, not my dad! I think I was on auto switch helping him plan his own funeral, and listen to him tell me things he wanted to say to me before he went, but even though we had planned for it, nothing in the world prepares you for when it happens. I was 13 and for some reason I got mad at my parents that night and went to stay the night with my grandpa, I guess it was fate because I don't know if I could have handled watching it happen, I woke up the next morning, a school day, and my grandpa told me I wouldn't be going to school that day, that my dad had passed away, I passed out and I don't remember much from the next few days. My dad was my rock, he was my shelter in a storm, and I was a big daddys girl. I was pretty messed up for years after, looking back I can see how bad the low points were, I was angry at him and at God for a long time, for abandoning me. I miss him every single day, I miss his corny jokes, his love for 60's music and corvettes, I miss his spirt, I think his spirit was just to big for his body to handle and that's why his body never worked the way it was suppose to. I wish he could have seen me graduate highschool, to see me get married, to see all his grandkids, to see Audrey. It's been 10 years and I still cry sometimes, anytime a song about a Daddy comes on it hits close to home. I know he was in so much pain, I saw it everyday on his face, and that's why I can be glad he's no longer suffering.

1 lb away

I am 1 pound away from losing my first 30 pounds. I am taking it one small goal at a time, if I think about how much I have to lose all together it seems like it will never happen. I am really thinking about getting back into photography, I just need to buy a new camera. only 500$ ha! I've already started buying Audrey's Christmas presents, better to get a little at a time for the next few months than be completely broke in December!

Different stages

Lately everyone I know is getting engaged, getting married or having a baby. I've already done all this, some days I REALLY want another baby and then some days I'm so glad Audrey is an only child(of mine). So where am I at in life? Re inventing myself I suppose, or rather my body. I finally lost another pound today after staying at the same weight since April. I just keep picturing myself at the way I wanna look and how great I will feel. I also planned on going back to school this semester, but it just wasn't possible. Hopefully next year I can at least take an online course and when Audrey starts preschool I can go to campus.

Hello Hitch

Tomorrow starts another two week hitch for Justin, his weeks home fly by and then before I know it its time to send him back to that iron mistress. The house will feel so quiet without Justin and the kids. Audrey has adjusted well to being the only child again, she was upset watching them leave but after a bit she was fine and was back to playing by herself again. I've got to do some major house cleaning once Justin goes back, get the kids room cleaned up and Audrey's room organized again, I need to sort through her clothes and pack up what doesn't fit her anymore, she is already in 18 month clothes ! My baby is becoming a little girl more and more everyday. I have already started planning Christmas and her 2nd birthday, I am going to buy a little at a time so we don't go broke during the holidays . I started my workouts today, I did 20 minutes of Cardio and Audrey even worked out with me, she did squats and raised her arms when I did weights,when I did jumping jacks she hopped around, it was so cute.

I can NOT cheat

Yesterday was a bad day for my diet, pizza for lunch(thank you dear husband for picking that up..) and ribs for dinner(thank you in laws for cooking.) and somehow my father in law talked me into having half a beer..needless to say I weighed myself this morning.. I was UP 5 lbs! :( I need to work harder on my self control, I should have just had a salad for lunch and dinner, and I should NOT have agreed to that beer. Back on the wagon today, I really just can't cheat, not even a little, not until I have more self control. Also yesterdays Love Dare was to call and talk to your spouse during the work day just to ask about their day, obviously this was kind of pointless, I am with Justin 24/7 when he his home from his hitch, but I always send him a text in the middle of his day to say I love him and hope is having a good night/day at work. Today's dare is to have your spouse tell you some things that you do that bother them, or they have a problem with. This will be tough for him to agree to and if he does I can't get angry.. even harder since I'm so defensive and I easily get my feelings hurt when it comes to him.

Love Dare 2 days down

The First challenge of the Love Dare was patience, to not say anything negative to your spouse, to not react in anger when something happens. This is probably going to be the hardest thing for me since I am so impatient and anger easily, the complete opposite of my husband. I tend to be defensive and snap right back when I'm put down or the comment is not something I wanna hear. I think I did good though, I kept my mouth shut when I wanted to say something negative, although it was only his 2nd day home so this may prove harder in the coming weeks. Day 2 was to do something unexpected and nice.. I always make him dinner and let him sleep and do his laundry so I wasn't sure what I could do to be nice, then I decided to clean out the car for him. I was planning on washing it too but it looked like it might rain. He didn't say anything about it, but I'm not doing it for praise, I just want to show him in other ways than sex and words that I love him and I want to be the best wife I can be.

Chug that water!

I'm trying to get down 80 ounces of water today, so far I have 33 down. I'm gonna try to only weigh myself on Fridays instead of every morning as well. Right now I'm hungry even though I just had lunch an hr ago, a salad with boiled shrimp and some water so I may eat a peach in a bit to hold me over until dinner. I've got to finish cleaning my bathroom and do my hair and makeup before my hunnie gets home from work in a few hours, it has been a long two weeks!

Love Dare

So ever since I watched the movie Fireproof I've wanted to do the Love Dare, and yesterday I got the book. I'll be starting on Wednesday since Justin doesn't come home until tomorrow . I know its a Christian book and I'm not really religious.. but I think I can do the basics and do the challenge each day. Now don't get me wrong we are not having any problems in our marriage but I think the day you stop working on your relationship is the day its over, marriage is a never ending work in progress.

Chhhanges

So back in January I started the PINK Method, did great and lost 20lbs pretty quick but then I stopped loosing, lost another 5 lbs in the next few months but in April my diet kinda fell to the wayside, I didn't gain any back thankfully but I was being a real slacker, which is typical me, anyway I'm really trying to change my views on food, change my health, my body and becoming the person that I want to be. There is a sexy woman inside me, I've just being keeping her quiet with cookies :) Being a Stay at home mom I think makes it a bit harder because I'm right there by the kitchen I catch myself looking in the fridge for something but I don't know what and I'm really not that hungry, habits! And I must say that eating healthy is more time consuming to cook for a family of 5 than say popping a pizza or box lasagna in the oven, not to mention my husband could eat everything in front of him and not gain a freakin pound, its disgusting. I am seriously a soda (I really wanna write pop here but I know some people will be like ehh? ) addict and my husband goes through a 12 pack every two days and its SOOO hard not to grab that coke and instead drink some yummy bland water :/ I hate water I really really do. I'm also going to do more "cleaning" of the heart, mind and soul but I will post more on that in a few days when I start it.

New Space

So I'm starting a new blog, my other page the address was Fickyypregnancy and obviously I am no longer pregnant ,and it doesn't look like I ever will be again so here we are. I am a wife, to a man who works in the oil field, a mother to a 16 month old beautiful little girl who is full of spunk, a stepmother to two great kids who are 7 and 5 and this is going to be all about my life, my troubles, my views on the world and such things. I will write more soon, but since I don't have much free time unless everyone is asleep I am going to relax to a good book and try to calm my kid rattled nerves.