Monday, September 3, 2012

It was the 3rd of September

A day I'll always remember.. you know the line from The Temptations song It rings true with me, Today 10 years ago I lost one of the most important people in my life, my father. My dad was sick most of my life, I can just barely remember him being able to walk without help or using his wheelchair. He was the bravest man, so smart and kind to everyone he met. He was not a disabled man , he was a man who just happened to be in a wheelchair. When the doctors told us to call the family in, that he had congestive heart failure and wouldn't be able to stand a transplant, that he was dying I didn't get it.. My dad was strong, he wasn't OLD, he just couldn't DIE, not my dad! I think I was on auto switch helping him plan his own funeral, and listen to him tell me things he wanted to say to me before he went, but even though we had planned for it, nothing in the world prepares you for when it happens. I was 13 and for some reason I got mad at my parents that night and went to stay the night with my grandpa, I guess it was fate because I don't know if I could have handled watching it happen, I woke up the next morning, a school day, and my grandpa told me I wouldn't be going to school that day, that my dad had passed away, I passed out and I don't remember much from the next few days. My dad was my rock, he was my shelter in a storm, and I was a big daddys girl. I was pretty messed up for years after, looking back I can see how bad the low points were, I was angry at him and at God for a long time, for abandoning me. I miss him every single day, I miss his corny jokes, his love for 60's music and corvettes, I miss his spirt, I think his spirit was just to big for his body to handle and that's why his body never worked the way it was suppose to. I wish he could have seen me graduate highschool, to see me get married, to see all his grandkids, to see Audrey. It's been 10 years and I still cry sometimes, anytime a song about a Daddy comes on it hits close to home. I know he was in so much pain, I saw it everyday on his face, and that's why I can be glad he's no longer suffering.